Small Things Still Matters

Today is the last day of the month. I am trying to write something for weeks but I am not motivated to put anything down. Just this one, for those twenty days, I think, something has changed. That something will come later, I will first share these moments.

First Week:  As always, I've been dreading the first day of anything. Particularly this, at the time. I have to be on school by 7 am but my mind wasn't ready yet and so my body followed suit, moving like my feet weighed thrice my size. I was actually waiting for a text message to arrive about what section I am this semester, because, it's a long story, but to make it short, I enrolled myself late and I'm afraid I won't be able to be with my friends. Funny to think that, for I am some kind of a loner. But, I think, that's normal. Nobody really wants to be alone. Moving on... Nothing came. No messages nor group messages, no calls, anything. So, I'm on my way. Then, as I was waiting, a call came. My friend said the schedule was already posted but there's still no list of students. And I think, right on time. xD

My school was only a minutes away from home. When I arrived there's a lot of students in the school ground, still not settled for their respective rooms. Minutes later, there it was. Tall, inviting, and a crowd-gatherer. We saw what section we were and what schedule awaited us. I tell you, NOT SO GOOD :/

From 7 am to 6 pm for that day with only a 30-minute break. So that's at least 10 1/2 hours a day. Our only break was to eat lunch and we have to eat fast. Good thing, it's the first day, there was a light load, just introductions and informal meetings with each professors. By the time, I was home though, I was dead tired and so pressured for the upcoming days. Couldn't imagine it. The first week, fortunately, ended well.

Second Week: The actual start of the class happened the second week and with this, the load I'm feeling grows by several notches. Not to mention, the expectations that should be met. Expectations just lead to disappointments. Everyone should accept it already. But still, whether, they do or don't, expectation still lingers in the air around us, at least, inside the class. Also, comparison is such a headache. Nobody said it outright but its presence felt and enveloped us, measuring our performances. Poor me, for being me.

Third Week: By this week, I was already used to the environment of the semester. My classmates, professors and the subjects. It's actually okay, with all the reporting and other suffocating tasks to be done. I prove it myself, that to overcome your fears, you must face it. I am such a scaredy-cat whenever in front of a crowd, with all the attention focus on me. It makes my knees wobbly and my mind blank. Last semester was the worst example of that. No need reliving it. IT WAS TOTALLY DEPRESSING. However, with the current things, I could say that I slightly overcome that particular fear and was able to do better.


As I'd mentioned earlier, something has changed. Although, it was such a quick one without me even noticing it, I'm really grateful and proud of myself. How little that might be for someone. How inconsequential and laughable that might be. Still, I'm so happy for that. For years, I had that fear with me. Now, I am finally able to grow and finally able to see another light that is there all along, it's just that I was blinded by things such as pessimism and insecurities. Even though, it's just a tiny little step I had made, I am now a step ahead than where I was before. And that is a progress in itself. A start of growing more and more each day.