Saturday, April 8, 2017

Saturday Feels

Of all the days, I feel so sluggish and out of it today. Of all days, really. It has been such a long time since I was able to be home from work so early that I can still feel the heat still hitting my flesh and see my favorite shade of blue paste up in the sky so beautifully. For so long, the night welcomed me. It has been my company going home with music in my ears, hoping to soothe my mind.

The past six months have been a blur. I was only going through day by day, most of the time, wishing the day to finally end and the weekend to finally come. It has been my sentiments every week. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know I shouldn't think this way. It's not going to help me at all. It's not going to make my life or work easy. 

I feel so frustrated. I felt like I have been passed back and forth like a tennis ball and I know that if I keep going on like this, I will stretch myself thin that I would break. And today, I feel like I am on the verge of breaking.

The thing is I have been working for six months and I felt like I'm getting nowhere. I'm not even moving forward. I am stuck. I can't help but to hate the fact that everything I'd done for the past six months meant nothing. Not to everyone I care about and to the people I served. Not even to myself. 

All I want now is to take a rest and hope that when I wake up I finally had a solution or more like to have the courage to finally do what I am supposed to do. Knock my head, please. I need a really hard one.

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