That Nagging Feeling

I wasn't able to continue with the 100 Happy Days Challenge that I joined (I deleted my previous posts already). It's kind of difficult to keep up especially without a constant camera in hand that would take that happy moment for the day. Better yet, if it's just a blog post. But, anyway, no pressure, right?

You can't be truly happy if you do things rather obligingly like you're just compelled to. That's not happiness, it's an obligation. As much as I'd like to push myself, I don't like to worn myself out fulfilling many things at a time.

I'm saying this because of another reason though. I'm starting to worry about my lack of enthusiasm at things. I mean, at the things that I love or enjoy doing. It's summer vacation and I have all the time to do what I've been holding off since I'm busy worrying about school stuffs. That's me, I guess. My mind never went to sleep without worrying. On everything. What an unhealthy habit.

I'm jaded for the most part of the month. I didn't enjoy reading that much anymore. I wasn't that thrilled to watch anime that I long to watch before and manga that I've always wanted to read. Whenever I'm playing games - Kingdom of Amalur Reckoning or Hay Day  - I did so, rather mechanically. I'm not enjoying it one bit. It's like I'm doing it just to pass time.

I don't know what my problem is. But, this has to stop.

My sleeping habit has gone worse this vacation, as well.

One of the things that made me awake at night is that the decision of whether or not I'm going to transfer school. I actually declared at home and to my group of friends that I'm transferring, and that it's settled. But, the thought of leaving them behind makes me so sad. For two years, I'd been with them. I already know a lot of students and professors, vice versa. It feels like home to me... Like when I was in high school. The thought of not seeing them again (Ok, I was being dramatic there). The thought of not being in the same environment as them hurts me. I'll be able to visit them weekly if I wanted to but there is this nagging fear that everything wouldn't be the same then. It hurts me more. They're like a second family to me. I love them... in my annoyingly silent awkward way.